I remember sitting with my parents near an ice cream shop at Hollywood Beach in Florida back in 2019, and all of a sudden, my dad said to me, "I didn't think you'd make it in life."

I laughed. My dad was not trying to undermine me, and I understood what he meant. In fact, he was surprised by how well I turned out to be despite what he thought he saw about me.

My parents had high expectations of me. During my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) in Singapore, my parents required me to apply for a good co-ed school that requires high scores as my first choice.

However, I wanted to join my friends at Montfort Secondary School (or middle school equivalent), and it required minimal effort to get in because I was already in its junior or elementary school, thus I could enter through affiliation.

Turns out that I didn't score that well, and I ended up in a neighborhood school, Yuying. In hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise, as I learned valuable lessons there that have helped shape my life today. However, it definitely left an impression on my dad.

Around seventeen or eighteen years old, I decided I wanted to go into full-time ministry as a pastor. For the next few years, I dedicated myself to serving the Lord at church and attended Bible school for a year.

The leadership I serve didn't believe in the grace message. I was asked to step down as a care group leader, and I received repeated hints that I should leave the church and join another, as I could not subscribe to their core belief that one could lose one's salvation.

When I left that church, it derailed my path towards getting a theological degree because most seminaries require you to be sponsored or validated by a local church. I had to pick a new path.

I still remember the day my dad took me out of the blue to a local church I didn't know, and he introduced me to the pastor there. I had no interest, and I could see that the pastor wasn't interested in me anyway.

Thus, I switched my path in life again. After prayer, I was led to do my Bachelor of Computer Science in Multimedia and Gaming from the University of Wollongong, and my life began to prosper from that point.

However, my dad saw me as a person who gives up halfway in all the things that I do. 

While I taught tuition to elementary students as a side hustle, I used my earnings to explore opportunities that I thought could generate income, such as drawing manga, and to invest in technology for further exploration. When I changed my course because I saw a wall that I couldn't break through, my dad assumed I didn't have the commitment to follow through to the end and that I would give up.

Many years later, my parents visited me in Fort Lauderdale, where I was working as a data engineering manager at CBS Sports, and they stayed in my apartment. I took them to Disneyland and the NASA center, and we enjoyed family time together. 

It was then that my dad realized I was successful in life, and that's why he said he didn't think I would make it in life, because his opinion of me was based on his assumption that I would give things up halfway.

What my dad did not see

"… For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 (NKJV)

When I changed course to pivot my path from full-time ministry to pursue a tech career, I told the Lord that even if I do not get to serve Him as a pastor or minister in church, I want to have intimacy with Him that eclipses what the faith giants in the past have. 

Some of my childhood heroes are Smith Wigglesworth, John G. Lake, and George Mueller. 

• Smith Wigglesworth raised people from the dead under anointing. 
• John G. Lake was in South Africa during a plague outbreak, and he had a mighty healing ministry there. 
• George Mueller proved to others that God answers prayers when he built orphanages for two thousand children through prayer.

The title or position does not matter. My relationship and intimacy with the Lord are all I care about.

If I am indeed called to serve the Lord in full-time ministry, He will have to raise the dead dream to life.

Did the Lord shortchange me? No. I had a late start in my career because I changed my path several times. At the time of this writing, I serve as a data engineering manager at PlayStation in Los Angeles. They don't pay peanuts in the tech industry here.

Is this the end of my story? No, because the Lord is still in the midst of my life, and the path of the righteous is like a shining sun that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day (Proverbs 4:18). I am very sure that the Lord has bigger things in store.

Under the Lord's grace, I was able to commit to regular Bible study over many years. Many nights, I would study several verses or a chapter with Hebrew and Greek etymology. I have covered Genesis, Proverbs, Romans, Colossians, and Ephesians in full, and in many large portions of other books, according to my season.

My dad didn't see the depths of my commitment in my inner chambers. What he saw was the outward appearance that I didn't pursue my course fully. 

There's no shame in changing course.

As a data engineering manager, I often tell my team that it's okay to change course if something isn't working. It is not okay to change course if we are being fickle.

Why be stubborn and crash into a wall, knowing that the path you're pursuing doesn't work?

"The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps." Proverbs 14:15 (ESV)

"A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself; the simple pass on and are punished." Proverbs 27:12 (NKJV)

When I tried to draw manga while studying, I realized it took a mammoth effort to draw a well-proportioned character. I had a friend who could draw a dragon in his sleep, and you can take it to the bank with animators. 

I realized it wasn't my gift to draw. That friend didn't have much training, but his gift of drawing is innate. 

It also means I cannot draw art for a living. I would be living on the streets if I did.

Changing course isn't always about fickleness or the lack of commitment. It means I became self-aware and realized it was necessary to utilize my strengths instead of yearning for a gift I don't possess.

Jeff Bezos mentioned that he wanted to be a theoretical physicist, and he enrolled at Princeton University as a physics major. He pivoted course because he spent hours on a math problem when his classmate solved it in minutes.

Did Jeff Bezos change because he was fickle? No. He became aware that he wouldn't excel in physics as much as he had tried. Others possess the innate gift that would enable them to reach the top more quickly.

Jeff Bezos then pursued a career in technology and business, going on to found Amazon, which we know today.

Does it mean I don't try new things to excel? That's what exploration is all about. If you don't try something to find out if it works or doesn't, how would you know if you have the gift?

Trying something and finding out it doesn't work isn't a failure; it's a learning experience. It simply means that the option didn't work out, and there is one less thing for me to worry about.

I don't mean incessant trying for the sake of novelty. There's an objective or outcome that I'm looking to pursue, and I balance the risk versus the reward in terms of resources and time spent.

My experimentations helped me in my career as a data engineering manager because they allowed me to adopt a holistic and interdisciplinary approach. I can discuss sales and marketing, as well as the technical aspects of the work, due to my curiosity.

A message for my son

Son, do not worry about what others see from the outward appearance. You put your trust in the Lord, and He will bring you to places where you wouldn't even dream of.

People whom you love may misunderstand you. Even I may misunderstand you from time to time. As long as your eyes are upon the Lord, you're on unshakable ground.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

Trust in the LORD forever, for in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:3-4 (NKJV)

"My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for He shall pluck my feet out of the net." Psalm 25:15 (NKJV)

Your father did not get to where he is without the Lord.

Commit to the things that are entrusted to you, and fear no man's opinion because it is a snare (Proverbs 29:25). I didn't tell folks how much I commit to the LORD in my inner chambers with my Bible study, but for your sake, I want you to know.

And in everything I do, I am explaining it to you plainly that you may see Christ. At the time of this writing, I'm relocating our family near a church so that you can experience the Lord, as my upbringing in church was indispensable for the grace that the Lord imparted to my life.

Don't be afraid to try new things and fail; it's a necessary part of the learning process. As long as the risk is manageable in terms of resources and time spent, it's okay to explore and try in the Lord. You should try nothing harmful or anything that compromises your integrity.

Life is not about paying bills so that you can exist. We explore to discover the gifts and talents that the Lord has placed within you, and we want to maximize them to their fullest potential for His glory and your fulfillment.

Nevertheless, don't mistake fickleness for being adaptable. Fickleness means it depends entirely on your feelings and fancy. 

Being adaptable means you are prudent. You gave thought to your ways, and you commit to the Lord your plans and ways that your thoughts are established (Proverbs 16:3).

Your dad will share with you how you have a good decision-making process, and through Wisdom, you will shine in the Lord as I named you to be.